Divorces and separations are often stressful and acrimonious experiences. They are often accompanied by strong feeligns of anger, betrayal, bitterness and resentment towards an estranged partner. More often than not the stresses and pressures of a divorce can be substantially increased if there are children involved. Battles over custody and access to the children of a marriage or common-law relationship can often turn ugly.
One of the uglier aspects of a pitched custody battle is parental alienation. Typically this can start with the desire of each parent to want agreement or validation from the child or children. It will often manifest itself in pointing out the flaws of the other parent in order to get the child to give up his or her positive perceptions of the other parent and change them to agree with the views of the influencing parent. When taken to its extreme, parental alienation can become a form of brainwashing, with the alienating parent wreaking a powerful revenge against the other parent with the goal of dramatically reducing the contact by a child with the other parent, or ultimately, virtually eliminating the other parent from the child’s life.
This parental alienation can have severely damaging psychological effects as it puts the child squarely into a contest of loyalty which may cause them to experience severe guilt and confusion.
Ontario Courts have begun to recognize the devastating effects that parental alienation can have on the best interests of the children. In Ottewell v. Ottewell 2012 ONSC 5201 the Ontario Superior Court heard a trial on the issues of custody and access for two children. The court found that one of the parents had “demonstrated a conscious and deliberate pattern of attempting to alienate and disenfranchise” the other from the children. The judge continues to note that the pattern of alienation should be considered grave by the court and ultimately finds that an order granting primary care to the alienated parent would be in the best interests of the children.
Some of the incidents relied on by the court I making their decision include: causing the other parent to miss access time without good reason and without make-up time; denying the child small gifts from the other parent; scheduling events during the other parents access time; failing to take the children to extra-curricular events arranged by the other parent and attempting to replace the other parent in activities that were specific to that parent.
This case and others like it signify that parents must be conscious of the necessity of maintaining a strong relationship with the other parent throughout the course of divorce or separation. Attempts to exclude the other parent will be looked upon negatively by the courts and may constitute grounds for an order of sole custody in favour of the excluded parent. Ultimately, the court will want to see whether a parent has the willingness to facilitate contact with the other in order to maximize contact with both parents.
